Personals

Bored New Yorker – Sedementary rock seeks metamorphosis. Extremes of heat and/or pressure only. No smokers.
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GREETINGS FROM TURKMENISTAN – JHRWTCM I.S.O. GRTYF for NBATR and PUIIN. Friendship first. No smokers.
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Free to Good Home – Lickin’ stick. Needs coat of varnish. No smokers.
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Ready to have fun – Flesh-eating zombie, 41, 5’10”, brown/blue, 120 lbs. I.S.O. pretty much anyone. No smokers.
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Real Men Only Need Apply – SBF, 39, recovering Catholic. In search of Happy Meal. No transubstantiation, smokers.
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Lost – Disgruntled postal worker. Answers to name of Merle. Real friendly, except to smokers.
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STILL LOOKING 4 U – Prosecutor seeks violators. Murder, mayhem preferred. No smokers.
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Hopeless romantic – Big Brother: I love you. – Winston P.S.: Thank You For Not Smoking.
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Ready for new life – Failed suicide I.S.O. meaning, comfort in a cheerless world. I will turn your body into a life raft and hold on with a desperate but ultimately futile grip. No smokers.
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SWM For Ladies or Couples – Single guy, looking for no strings adult fun. Into bondage, discipline. No smokers, please.
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Mature blonde lady – High-level Washington administrator with energy to spare. Hobbies: camping, 4-wheeling, oil exploration in Arctic. Seeks teddy bear for ESA de-listing. No smokers.
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Frustrated – Where’s my duct tape? WHERE’S THE GODDAMNED W-D40? I can’t believe this shit!!! No smokers.