Click Language

common mullein

Married women in my area
want sex, you say, & I believe it.
Is this the hotshot stock alert
I’ve been waiting for? I could get
a laptop of my choice, on you,
or realize total & absolute power
& domination in bed. I am approved
for all loans, with no headaches,
no stomachaches, no come-down.
Your pills are soft & dissolvable
under the tongue. If I sign up
for help, I’ll be put into the hopper
for your daily cash giveaway.
Easy babes are looking to hook up.
I should not entertain any atom
of fear, as all required arrangements
have been made for the transfer,
but my response is needed.
If I want to be removed — &
sometimes I do — I can click
below. What have I done to deserve
so much consideration?

11 Comments


  1. Dear Sir:

    I wish to buy much badly item listed on line classified. Your price seems most good. Will send you check. If you do’t mind, I will send you check for 3,000 US dollar more. Please forward extra to man I owe in Nigeria.

    Hope to here from you soon.

    Reply

  2. Thanks. Though in point of fact the email I paraphrase (“I should not entertain any atom of fear, as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer”) purports to originate in Burkina Faso.

    Reply

  3. Looks easy. Except for the [hidden] clause about the guy with a gun! :) Me, I never touch married men, nor have interest in younger men, or ones too old. Sigh. It’s called the age of the decreasing middle. I’m not sure if they could help me in Nigeria either, not, ha, wealthy enough. Fun poem, spammy, ya know. To be read while chewing bubble gum kinda piece, ya know.

    Reply

  4. I never touch married men

    Me neither.

    To be read while chewing bubble gum

    Yep.

    Reply

  5. I turned on our complete spam filter, the one that just throws away email before I look at it if it has been detected as spam. Then I discovered that I missed one actual bona fide email, so I loosened the grip a bit to let in some spam. Hoo-boy. The spam we receive on our blog email address is quite startlingly sexual. Any poems derived even from the subject line would be sex-rated. You like Russian virgins with sweet dripping….? All the rest is from Paypal begging me to change my account and give them all of my banking info. I’ve never even used Paypal.

    Great poem.

    Reply

  6. Thanks, y’all. Kind of a fluff piece, as Brenda says, but after all the grim poems I’ve been posting, I figured some lighter fare wouldn’t hurt!

    I finally turned on the Yahoo spam filter a couple months ago, and don’t know why I waited so long. Yes, it does block an occasional “real” email, but at my modem speed it’s so time-consuming to get through my inbox as it is, deleting all the obvious spam messages (and clicking on a few that weren’t so obvious) was really bogging me down. I found it went through cycles, though: I’d get one kind of spam for a few weeks — say, fake Paypal and E-Bay stuff — then it would switch to something entirely different. And the one kind of message that still regularly makes it past Yahoo’s filter? Those darn “bank account” letters from West Africa!

    Reply

  7. Dave, your work is never fluff! Even when you write spammy, bubble-gum chewing fare (she says, laughing). Hey, in ‘Click Language’ you’ve shown that even spammers spam can become funny found poetry.

    Reply

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