Without Television

Without television, what names would you give the weather?

Without television, would the continent of Africa still resemble a question mark?

Without television, how many majestic carnivores would dine alone?

Without television, when would five o’clock shadows begin to form?

Without television, who would grumble for a flat belly or lust after an immaculate confection?

Without television, how would the couch make change?

Without television, where would you hear the subliminal messages telling you to kill again?

Without television, what circus tout would you pay to belabor your faults?

Without television, who would volunteer for boredom?

Without television, would we become strangers to ourselves?

Without television, do the fish get all their news from the water?

*

Sparked by a phone conversation with Brent Goodman (to be featured in this week’s Woodrat podcast, if and when I finish editing it) and an email conversation with some other friends about the Dark Mountain Project.

10 Comments


  1. …and what about the dogs left home alone with the television? does it tell them to do stuff like bark at the falling leaves?

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    1. No, it probably just tells them they need to eat more Kibbles and lose weight.

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  2. Wonderful material. My favorite is the third one. As for the first one, I’m old enough to remember when a snow event was called snow.

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    1. Thanks. You’re right. When I was a kid, they didn’t have an entire cable channel devoted to the weather, and there was quite a bit less hyperbole.

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    1. Glad you liked this, M-L. Yeah, if you scroll down you’ll see my not-very-profound comment at the bottom of the thread for Dave’s post, which I agreed with.

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  3. Oh, that was you! I think I’d seen Pollard’s blog some years ago, and somehow found it again via a link someone posted. After exploring some more, I was surprised to learn that he’s from Ontario, recently moved to Bowen Island, near Vancouver! His ideas seem to be along the line of the Dark Mountain Project, though I admit I’ve only had time to scan it.

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    1. Oh yes, he’s very much a “dark green” thinker. A good guy whom I read as often as I can. (And he’s been very kind in linking to some of my posts from time to time.)

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  4. Thought provoking, a lesson with a humorous tone. Here the television has been wall-to wall election. I turn it on for a little culture but that’s fled the airwaves, elbowed out in favour of exhaustive examination of the new Prime Minister’s wife’s wardrobe and what it says about the state of the economy. It’s driving me nuts. First they speculated about who would win. Then they speculated over who would be asked to form the coalition. Afterwards there was the cabinet and who would be in in. And when Gordon Brown would resign and how would he do so. We have about 2% news and 98% speculation. Armies of journalists are there feeding the endless appetite of the news behemoth. It shows no signs of abating. These islands are too small for so much information. (And it doesn’t make us any wiser.) I’m thinking of moving to a log cabin in Nova Scotia!

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    1. Welcome to America! Just thank your gods that your election cycle is only six weeks long. Imagine if it never really ended.

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