High-rent times (2010 quote-o-rama)

Hide your kids, hide your wife & hide your husband, ’cause they rapin’ everybody out here. The rent is too damn high. They got together & swore a pact with the devil. This is a big fuckin’ deal! To the passenger who just called me a motherfucker: fuck you. The rent is too damn high. You touch my junk & I’m going to have you arrested. The gentleman is correct in sitting down. I’m hoping that we’re not getting to Second Amendment remedies — the rent is too damn high. I’m not a witch. I’m nothing you’ve heard. I’m you. Just avoid holding it that way. You know, I’d like my life back — the rent is too damn high. Google policy is to get right up to the creepy line & not cross it. I was a big supporter of waterboarding. It’s a double rainbow all the way! America today begins to turn back to God. Peaceful Muslims, please refudiate. In the Ground Zero Mosque of the soul, dude, you have no Quran, because the rent is too damn high.

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Dave Bonta (bio) crowd-sources his problems by following his gut, which he shares with 100 trillion of his closest microbial friends — a close-knit, symbiotic community comprising several thousand species of bacteria, fungi, and protozoa. In a similarly collaborative fashion, all of Dave's writing is available for reuse and creative remix under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License. For attribution in printed material, his name (Dave Bonta) will suffice, but for web use, please link back to the original. Contact him for permission to waive the "share alike" provision (e.g. for use in a conventionally copyrighted work).

10 Comments


  1. i’d love to have the recipe for this one! it’s curious among the other dave bonta poems. it’s kind of a list poem (which we’re posting at big tent today, by the way). and it may be a found poem … ?

    i like the surprise of “i’m not a witch” (about half-way through)!

    Reply

    1. Here’s the recipe:
      “Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, ’cause they rapin’ everybody out here.” –Antoine Dodson
      “The rent is too damn high.” –Jimmy McMillan
      “And they got together and swore a pact to the devil.” –Pat Robertson
      “This is a big fuckin’ deal!” –Joe Biden
      “To the passenger who just called me a motherfucker: fuck you. I’ve been in this business 28 years and I’ve had it.” –Steve Slater
      “You touch my junk and I’m going to have you arrested.” –John Tyner
      “The gentleman is correct in sitting down.” –Anthony Weiner
      “I’m hoping that we’re not getting to Second Amendment remedies.” –Sharon Angle
      “I’m not a witch. I’m nothing you’ve heard. I’m you.” –Christine O’Donnell
      “Just avoid holding it that way.” –Steve Jobs
      “You know, I’d like my life back.” –Tony Hayward
      “Google policy is to get right up to the creepy line and not cross it.” –Eric Schmidt
      “I was a big supporter of waterboarding.” –Dick Cheney
      “Double rainbow, oh my god! It’s a double rainbow all the way! Whoa, that’s so intense. Oh, man. Wow. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! Oh my god!” (etc.) –Paul Vasquez
      “America today begins to turn back to God.” –Glenn Beck
      “Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn’t it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate.” –Sarah Palin
      “Dude, you have no Quran.” –Jacob Isom

      Reply

  2. Thank you for this. And double thanks for putting the authors of said quotes up so fast so I didn’t have to go search. I recognized more of them than I expected to, and I forgot more of the people that said them, more than I expected to. I’m not Christine O’Donnell, and I’m not a witch, but I’d sure like to be you Dave if I could get a nanobit of your talent.

    Happy New Year! (and..yeah the rent it too damned high here too).

    Reply

    1. You don’t wanna be me. It’s not glamorous. :) Thanks for reading, Joan, and all the best to you in 2011.

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  3. yes, thank you for the sources! it’s so gratifying to me to see the nuts and bolts of things. someday, i’ll learn to see something and say, “how nice,” and not care how to make it. :)

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  4. I’m with you on that last comment Carolee, except I do it with visual art. Luckily I can switch off my How-the-hell-was-that-done? automatic-response button when it comes to poetry… which incidentally I don’t write myself. Maybe that’s why I hang out here appreciating Dave, and not an some artist’s site! I like turning off that damned button.

    Reply

    1. See, I don’t actually have that response, not even with poetry. Which I guess is why I so seldom hold forth on poetics here. But I was planning to share my sources for this piece one way or another. (Probably would’ve been more helpful if I’d hotlinked each quote to a newspaper article.)

      Reply

  5. Well done and thanks for the answers. (I found myself trying to see how many I could place.)

    Reply

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