What display of huge strength of character
I don’t know about that. When i look back on those days, I see an arrogant little snob who withdrew into his own, private world in order to shield himself from social bruising, and accepted the role of class pariah and brain because it meant he would be left pretty much alone. My pacifism, which I think had a quasi-Christian origin, flourished in the shadow of my older brother’s nuclear umbrella — Tyroners have long memories, and his creaming of a supposedly tough kid two years his senior was not soon forgotten. At any rate, to me, character is best measured in positive acts of kindness and generosity, and I can’t remember committing too many of those. I was a self-centered little beast. (Not that I’m that much better now, actually.)

What display of huge strength of character, a territory beyond what my own small region of pusillaminity could ever recognize. I think I developed early habits of cowardice which have only rooted deeper over time. How did you refuse the temptation to defend yourself? What were your models? Your father certainly. As well your pacificism would have been abetted by your seclusion from television and perhaps pulp fiction as well. I got into a modest appointed afterschool bout that was well attended, as all such advertised matches were. I had no idea how to throw a punch and the whole thing was play-acting mostly. I think I struck the fellow once in the face, somewhat openhandedly. A very dissappointed teacher broke the contest up and I was walked home from the playground attended by an newly admiring friend who jibbered excitedly “You really connected with that one punch. You could the hear the ‘pow’ just like on TV!” The suprising payoff was a moment of intimate comity and amnity with my opponent the next day at gym, grins, eye contact and shared bonds of fat lips and sore shoulders.
I see myself here sadly conforming to overiding expectations, absolutely lacking independent vision. Old news.

As I reread I see I use “attended” twice. Yes. Attention is what I got. I announced to the school that was conformable in nomal, expectable, ways. What were you announcing to the greater public with your refusals? That you presented unknowable and independent mind? Payments of tribute that attended your pathway were scorn, abuse, electric, poisoinous regard daily confirming your identity.

My partner is a high school teacher. She has a new student who seldom comes to school. The principal finally explained to here that the student, very small for his age, had been savagely hazed at his previous school, perhaps St. Louis’ most prestigious private high school. The hazing culminated in the student being lifted over the head of his tormenter and thrown to the wood floor of a basketball court, while the coach was looking the other way. The student’s neck was broken and he spent a year in recovery. A case was brought to court but thrown out by the judge, due to conflicting eyewitness accounts. The hazers were never punished by their school.

There is a strange power being the only one in a room without clothing, but would not be if it is by force of the rest, being the epitome of vulnerability.

Many questions twining and amorphous depending on context and interpretation.

Thanks for the comment and reading recommendation. I might come back in a day or two with some more reactions.