Comments on: Product develops high speed

By: Via Negativa » Blog Archive » Warning label for a cathedral

Via Negativa » Blog Archive » Warning label for a cathedral — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 22:06:40 +0000

[…] In the comments thread for Monday’s post, Nathan says, “I’m still trying to imagine what a warning label on a cathedral might say.” […]

By: Nathan

Nathan — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 19:54:25 +0000

I’m still trying to imagine what a warning label on a cathedral might say.

I have made a tentative short list of products in my apartment that develop high speed:

cats
wife
self
coffee grinder

Products that I shall not allow diving onto include all products in apartment with the exception of bed.

By: Dave

Dave — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 15:36:55 +0000

“Mirror, mirror!” Yes.

By: Bill

Bill — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 01:33:39 +0000

…I’ll bet if it had come with an attractive red warning sticker like this toboggan did, she would’ve been safe…

That’s it exactly: the illusion of safety. Lovely the way that goes with flag waving. I love the flag waving harder. Simply gorgeous simulacrum you’ve made here of getting out of danger’s way posting stickers and other filmy fabrics. I think it’s Jen Starck’s constuction paper coming through you in the form of two-dimensional safe guards against four dimensional eradicators. I might suggest adding some mirrors though, as she did. Great for repulsing evil.

I tried out some of her links, namely Fecal Face. Kids!

By: Dave

Dave — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 22:58:45 +0000

Good point. This toboggan is definitely not as sturdily built as the one we had when we were kids.

By: David Harmon

David Harmon — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 21:51:57 +0000

The real problem is when the warning labels appear instead of proper design, or even a recall. In the meantime, "do not taunt Happy Fun Ball!"

By: Dave

Dave — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 18:48:50 +0000

which really deserves a much longer poem than I have the patience to write No doubt. But what you did write was very funny, taking a gentle poke at the cult of the haiku. it is only our neighbors' tits that we covet Speak for yourself. Fortunately, I have no neighbors. There ought to be a government program to retroactively apply warning labels to products made before the era of universal warnings. Or maybe they're already doing that over in Old Europe? Some of those cathedrals would require mighty big stickers, I'm thinking. American flags could come with special electronic warning labels, linked by satellite to the Department of Homeland Security. When the label changes from yellow to orange, wave harder.

By: Nathan

Nathan — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 16:47:03 +0000

Cheers, Dave. The EDH was written about sunset over the Semmering Pass, which connects the railway systems of Austria and Italy, and which really deserves a much longer poem than I have the patience to write.

You’re quite right about the Ten Commandments. Thanks to them, it is only our neighbors’ tits that we covet.

No, wait, I should edit that out.

I’m currently eyeing the products in my apartment warily, wondering which of them might be likely to develop high speed; and which ones I should or should not allow diving onto.

By: Dave

Dave — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 15:57:52 +0000

Ouch! And see, I’ll bet if it had come with an attractive red warning sticker like this toboggan did, she would’ve been safe.

Really, that’s all we need in life — better rules. Look how well the Ten Commandments have worked to prevent idolatry, murder, coveting of neighbors’ asses, and the like.

Incidentally, it’s too bad I can’t leave comments on your blog. I wanted to tell you the other day how much I enjoyed your Extended Dance Haiku.

By: Nathan

Nathan — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 04:58:15 +0000

Product seems to be a sled or toboggan. My stepsister received harm through improper misuse of similar product in southeastern Lower Michigan in 1971. Product reached high speed in proximity to large woody animal, perhaps tree, while lower extremity was sticking out, leading to fracturage of aforementioned lower extremity (leg). She’s all right now, thanks.