The Sphynx

is not taking calls or SOS texts right now.

All vision quest tickets sold before this date will possibly be honored again at a time to be determined (or not) by The Sphynx.

Do you seriously think y’all could just keep coming back any time of day or night just because you have a matter of utmost urgency that you think deserves immediate quasi-divine intervention?

S/he is damn tired of taking calls. Especially from repeat customers. Who won’t take advice anyway.

That’s not what we do here anymore. Move along.

You think The Sphynx gives a shit about your little road rage incident that’s now unfolded, and how you didn’t rein in your famous temper?

You don’t need no prophecy to tell you what’s coming.

Maybe, you should go break stacks of porcelain plates against a wall in one of those Japanese stress-relief emporiums.

And who told you anything good could ever come of shacking up with your dad’s old lady? Royalty or whatever, that’s about up there with all those pious child molesters saying Well, Joseph was much older when he took the Virgin Mary to wife.

Did you know the plural of sphynx is sphynxes or sphynges? Yes, there’s more than one of us. Part lion, part human, part bird; in the Philippines’ Bicol region, part human, part eagle.

We like to give pop quizzes. In a good mood, we might spin them as riddles. Like: Why can a being with breasts, facial hair, in drag, see how things are really going down, better than a congress of greedy white men?

If you can’t figure this out either, maybe you deserve to be eaten alive; or flown out (no extra charge, you’re welcome) and dropped from a height into a volcano’s cauldron.