Once I read in a poem a recipe
for curing yourself of your pain
or your ghosts. The way it was
written, they seemed synonymous,
or interchangeable. I don't have
dirt or rum or herbs, so I must
improvise. Lifting the lid of
the rice pot, I hold my face
above the rush of steam.
When my eyes clear, at least
momentarily I can tell again
the difference between the water
grief makes, and water that lies
dispersed on formica and tile.
Nature lover
Up, I, and walked to White Hall to attend the Duke of York, as usual. My wife up, and with Mrs. Pen to walk in the fields to frost-bite themselves. I find the Court full of great apprehensions of the French, who have certainly shipped landsmen, great numbers, at Brest; and most of our people here guess his design for Ireland. We have orders to send all the ships we can possible to the Downes. God have mercy on us! for we can send forth no ships without men, nor will men go without money, every day bringing us news of new mutinies among the seamen; so that our condition is like to be very miserable. Thence to Westminster Hall, and there met all the Houblons, who do laugh at this discourse of the French, and say they are verily of opinion it is nothing but to send to their plantation in the West Indys, and that we at Court do blow up a design of invading us, only to make the Parliament make more haste in the money matters, and perhaps it may be so, but I do not believe we have any such plot in our heads. After them, I, with several people, among others Mr. George Montagu, whom I have not seen long, he mighty kind. He tells me all is like to go ill, the King displeasing the House of Commons by evading their Bill for examining Accounts, and putting it into a Commission, though therein he hath left out Coventry and I and named all the rest the Parliament named, and all country Lords, not one Courtier: this do not please them. He tells me he finds the enmity almost over for my Lord Sandwich, and that now all is upon the Vice-Chamberlain, who bears up well and stands upon his vindication, which he seems to like well, and the others do construe well also. Thence up to the Painted Chamber, and there heard a conference between the House of Lords and Commons about the Wine Patent; which I was exceeding glad to be at, because of my hearing exceeding good discourses, but especially from the Commons; among others, Mr. Swinfen, and a young man, one Sir Thomas Meres: and do outdo the Lords infinitely.
So down to the Hall and to the Rose Taverne, while Doll Lane come to me, and we did ‘biber a good deal de vino, et je did give elle twelve soldis para comprare elle some gans’ for a new anno’s gift. I did tocar et no mas su cosa, but in fit time and place jo creo que je pouvais faire whatever I would con ella.
Thence to the Hall again, and with Sir W. Pen by coach to the Temple, and there ‘light and eat a bit at an ordinary by, and then alone to the King’s House, and there saw “The Custome of the Country,” the second time of its being acted, wherein Knipp does the Widow well; but, of all the plays that ever I did see, the worst-having neither plot, language, nor anything in the earth that is acceptable; only Knipp sings a little song admirably. But fully the worst play that ever I saw or I believe shall see. So away home, much displeased for the loss of so much time, and disobliging my wife by being there without her. So, by link, walked home, it being mighty cold but dry, yet bad walking because very slippery with the frost and treading.
Home and to my chamber to set down my journal, and then to thinking upon establishing my vows against the next year, and so to supper and to bed.
the fields bite themselves
full of all possible mutinies
the sea is nothing
but a country wine
I would eat the worst earth
slippery with journal ink
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Wednesday 2 January 1667.
Unclenched
The neighborhood hilot pours
warmed coconut oil into her palms
then straddles my back, working her
way down the length of my spine.
There's a cold weight there, she says:
sleeping in the sacrum or pelvis.
I don't know how to tell her how
long I'd been curled into myself,
nautilus asleep in a larger shell.
So much has pressed down on you all
these years. How do you know what it
felt like before that? Close your eyes,
she says. I don't realize when she's
left or when I've fallen asleep.
Doubtedly
Lay long, being a bitter, cold, frosty day, the frost being now grown old, and the Thames covered with ice. Up, and to the office, where all the morning busy. At noon to the ‘Change a little, where Mr. James Houblon and I walked a good while speaking of our ill condition in not being able to set out a fleet (we doubt) this year, and the certain ill effect that must bring, which is lamentable. Home to dinner, where the best powdered goose that ever I eat. Then to the office again, and to Sir W. Batten’s to examine the Commission going down to Portsmouth to examine witnesses about our prizes, of which God give a good issue! and then to the office again, where late, and so home, my eyes sore. To supper and to bed.
bitter cold old office
no good speaking out
doubt is powdered ice
in the mouth
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Tuesday 1 January 1667.
Grove
I am trying to remember
the smudge of hills that seemed
to tower over our town when it
was small, the trails where pony boys
led the animals before they were saddled
for hire, the red fringe of bottlebrush
that swept your forehead as you passed.
How have I come to be so unpinned
from the canopy, jettisoned like a stone
that now finds burrow in a sandy plain?
In the morning, I palm a handful
of coffee beans before I grind them.
Sometimes it is almost noon
when the fog finally lifts.
Free e-book: The Hidden Poems of Samuel Pepys, 1666
Another year, another compilation of Pepys’ Diary erasure poems. But this wasn’t just any year: true to its inclusion of the number of the beast, 1666 saw continuing plague deaths, sea battles with the Dutch, the Great Fire, religious persecution and rebellions, and our diarist reveling in his growing power the way men always have, by becoming a full-on sexual predator. Such an interesting mirror for our own times.
Here’s a PDF of The Hidden Poems of Samuel Pepys: 1666.
Download, share, print, remix, enjoy.
Half/full
Rising this day with a full design to mind nothing else but to make up my accounts for the year past, I did take money, and walk forth to several places in the towne as far as the New Exchange, to pay all my debts, it being still a very great frost and good walking. I staid at the Fleece Tavern in Covent Garden while my boy Tom went to W. Joyce’s to pay what I owed for candles there. Thence to the New Exchange to clear my wife’s score, and so going back again I met Doll Lane (Mrs. Martin’s sister), with another young woman of the Hall, one Scott, and took them to the Half Moon Taverne and there drank some burnt wine with them, without more pleasure, and so away home by coach, and there to dinner, and then to my accounts, wherein, at last, I find them clear and right; but, to my great discontent, do find that my gettings this year have been 573l. less than my last: it being this year in all but 2,986l.; whereas, the last, I got 3,560l.. And then again my spendings this year have exceeded my spendings the last by 644l.: my whole spendings last year being but 509l.; whereas this year, it appears, I have spent 1154l., which is a sum not fit to be said that ever I should spend in one year, before I am master of a better estate than I am. Yet, blessed be God! and I pray God make me thankful for it, I do find myself worth in money, all good, above 6,200l.; which is above 1800l. more than I was the last year. This, I trust in God, will make me thankfull for what I have, and carefull to make up by care next year what by my negligence and prodigality I have lost and spent this year.
The doing of this, and entering of it fair, with the sorting of all my expenses, to see how and in what points I have exceeded, did make it late work, till my eyes become very sore and ill, and then did give over, and supper, and to bed.
Thus ends this year of publick wonder and mischief to this nation, and, therefore, generally wished by all people to have an end. Myself and family well, having four mayds and one clerk, Tom, in my house, and my brother, now with me, to spend time in order to his preferment. Our healths all well, only my eyes with overworking them are sore as candlelight comes to them, and not else; publick matters in a most sad condition; seamen discouraged for want of pay, and are become not to be governed: nor, as matters are now, can any fleete go out next year. Our enemies, French and Dutch, great, and grow more by our poverty. The Parliament backward in raising, because jealous of the spending of the money; the City less and less likely to be built again, every body settling elsewhere, and nobody encouraged to trade. A sad, vicious, negligent Court, and all sober men there fearful of the ruin of the whole kingdom this next year; from which, good God deliver us! One thing I reckon remarkable in my owne condition is, that I am come to abound in good plate, so as at all entertainments to be served wholly with silver plates, having two dozen and a half.
the half moon appears full
for what I have lost
what I have exceeded
my eyes give up wonder
light comes to them
in a sad condition now
I grow backward like an ear
whole at half
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Monday 31 December 1666.
Bruise
A poem is a fruit
you grow from seed.
You give it everything
you think it needs,
but you don't know
how long it will take
to ripen, or if it will.
You are ashamed of all
the things you took,
or took for granted.
You want to know how
to make it up, to make
it better. The fruit
is patient. You are
no gardener after all. And
the leaves that fall off
exude such fragrance,
even when crushed.
Grave concern
(Lord’s day). Lay long, however up and to church, where Mills made a good sermon. Here was a collection for the sexton; but it come into my head why we should be more bold in making the collection while the psalm is singing, than in the sermon or prayer. Home, and, without any strangers, to dinner, and then all the afternoon and evening in my chamber preparing all my accounts in good condition against to-morrow, to state them for the whole year past, to which God give me a good issue when I come to close them!
So to supper and to bed.
why sing or pray
without strangers
I am preparing my accounts
for the hole
which God is when I
come close
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Sunday 30 December 1666.
Sleepless
Up, called up with newes from Sir W. Batten that Hogg hath brought in two prizes more: and so I thither, and hear the particulars, which are good; one of them, if prize, being worth 4,000l.: for which God be thanked! Then to the office, and have the newes brought us of Captain Robinson’s coming with his fleete from Gottenburgh: dispersed, though, by foul weather. But he hath light of five Dutch men-of-war, and taken three, whereof one is sunk; which is very good newes to close up the year with, and most of our merchantmen already heard of to be safely come home, though after long lookings-for, and now to several ports, as they could make them. At noon home to dinner, where Balty is and now well recovered. Then to the office to do business, and at night, it being very cold, home to my chamber, and there late writing, but my left eye still very sore. I write by spectacles all this night, then to supper and to bed. This day’s good news making me very lively, only the arrears of much business on my hands and my accounts to be settled for the whole year past do lie as a weight on my mind.
foul weather sunk
into my left eye
I write all night
then to bed
only my hands lie
as a weight
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Saturday 29 December 1666.