Premonition

Up, and with W. Hewer to see W. Coventry again, but missed him again, by coming too late, the man of [all] the world that I am resolved to preserve an interest in. Thence to White Hall, and there at our usual waiting on the Duke of York; and that being done, I away to the Exchequer, to give a stop, and take some advice about my lost tally, wherein I shall have some remedy, with trouble, and so home, and there find Mr. Povy, by appointment, to dine with me; where a pretty good dinner, but for want of thought in my wife it was but slovenly dressed up; however, much pleasant discourse with him, and some serious; and he tells me that he would, by all means, have me get to be a Parliament-man the next Parliament, which he believes there will be one, which I do resolve of. By and by comes my cozen Roger, and dines with us; and, after dinner, did seal his mortgage, wherein I do wholly rely on his honesty, not having so much as read over what he hath given me for it, nor minded it, but do trust to his integrity therein. They all gone, I to the office and there a while, and then home to ease my eyes and make my wife read to me.

in the world that I am
resolved to preserve

way out there
it would have me believe

there will be by and by
an age for rust

Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Friday 27 November 1668.

Off ice

Up, and at the Office all the morning, where I was to have delivered the Duke of York’s letter of advice to the Board, in answer to our several answers to his great letter; but Lord Brouncker not being there, and doubtful to deliver it before the new Treasurers, I forbore it to next sitting. So home at noon to dinner, where I find Mr. Pierce and his wife but I was forced to shew very little pleasure in her being there because of my vow to my wife; and therefore was glad of a very bad occasion for my being really troubled, which is, at W. Hewer’s losing of a tally of 1000l., which I sent him this day to receive of the Commissioners of Excise. So that though I hope at the worst I shall be able to get another, yet I made use of this to get away as soon as I had dined, and therefore out with him to the Excise Office to make a stop of its payment, and so away to the coachmaker’s and several other places, and so away home, and there to my business at the office, and thence home, and there my wife to read to me, and W. Hewer to set some matters of accounts right at my chamber, to bed.

office
where I deliver
answers to a bore

where I was glad
of being bled

I hope to get off
its ice

Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Thursday 26 November 1668.

We Enter the Period of Long Darkness

In fall, a rain of pine needles, 
torn pieces from the maple's veil;
leathered quilt pieces under
the fig tree. How much
we miss the honey-thick
light in summer, extravagance
of fruit that even the animals
sample only to discard. The year
spiraling down to that place
where we say we could begin
again— though we know each
repetition lives inside itself,
foolish hoarder of any way-
ward grace that missed
the cutting blade. 

Beach body

Up, and by coach with W. Hewer to see W. Coventry; but he gone out, I to White Hall, and there waited on Lord Sandwich, which I have little encouragement to do, because of the difficulty of seeing him, and the little he hath to say to me when I do see him, or to any body else, but his own idle people about him, Sir Charles Harbord, &c. Thence walked with him to White Hall, where to the Duke of York; and there the Duke, and Wren, and I, by appointment in his closet, to read over our letter to the Office, which he heard, and signed it, and it is to my mind, Mr. Wren having made it somewhat sweeter to the Board, and yet with all the advice fully, that I did draw it up with. He [the Duke] said little more to us now, his head being full of other business; but I do see that he do continue to put a value upon my advice; and so Mr. Wren and I to his chamber, and there talked: and he seems to hope that these people, the Duke of Buckingham and Arlington, will run themselves off of their legs; they being forced to be always putting the King upon one idle thing or other, against the easiness of his nature, which he will never be able to bear, nor they to keep him to, and so will lose themselves. And, for instance of their little progress, he tells me that my Lord of Ormond is like yet to carry it, and to continue in his command in Ireland; at least, they cannot get the better of him yet. But he tells me that the Keeper is wrought upon, as they say, to give his opinion for the dissolving of the Parliament, which, he thinks, will undo him in the eyes of the people. He do not seem to own the hearing or fearing of any thing to be done in the Admiralty, to the lessening of the Duke of York, though he hears how the town talk’s full of it. Thence I by coach home, and there find my cozen Roger come to dine with me, and to seal his mortgage for the 500l. I lend him; but he and I first walked to the ’Change, there to look for my uncle Wight, and get him to dinner with us. So home, buying a barrel of oysters at my old oyster-woman’s, in Gracious Street, but over the way to where she kept her shop before. So home, and there merry at dinner; and the money not being ready, I carried Roger Pepys to Holborn Conduit, and there left him going to Stradwick’s, whom we avoided to see, because of our long absence, and my wife and I to the Duke of York’s house, to see “The Duchesse of Malfy,” a sorry play, and sat with little pleasure, for fear of my wife’s seeing me look about, and so I was uneasy all the while, though I desire and resolve never to give her trouble of that kind more. So home, and there busy at the Office a while, and then home, where my wife to read to me, and so to supper, and to bed. This evening, to my great content, I got Sir Richard Ford to give me leave to set my coach in his yard.

white sand
and a body

made sweet with
the easiness of nature

like land dissolving
in the sea

and the oyster-woman’s way
forever is to eat

Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Wednesday 25 November 1668.

Show Me Remorse Without Saying Remorse

But what does it really mean to hold
your enemies closer; your loves,

never askance, never  with 
complete detachment? Reconcile,

while there's still time, directives
you've left on all sorts of legal

documents. Assume that what will be,
will be. The prehistory of all action

prepares for the language of now, and
a good amount of later. Here we are,

calculating the cost of loss against 
gain. Messy as unsolved and rambling

equations, we mumble sorry, sorry, 
spilling things beyond the margins,

Expiration date

Up, and at the Office all the morning, and at noon home to dinner, where Mr. Gentleman, the cook, and an old woman, his third or fourth wife, come and dined with us, to enquire about a ticket of his son’s, that is dead; and after dinner, I with Mr. Hosier to my closet, to discourse of the business of balancing Storekeeper’s accounts, which he hath taken great pains in reducing to a method, to my great satisfaction; and I shall be glad both for the King’s sake and his, that the thing may be put in practice, and will do my part to promote it. That done, he gone, I to the Office, where busy till night; and then with comfort to sit with my wife, and get her to read to me, and so to supper, and to bed, with my mind at mighty ease.

if it is dead
it is ours to keep

or put on ice
till night

or sit with and get
to be at ease

Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Tuesday 24 November 1668.

Show Me Hope Without Using the Word Hope

Disorder in the world, and continuing desolation.
But cautiously, we step outside to marvel:
a  warm day in mid-December as if in summer.
Students cross the street, wearing flip-flops 
and shorts. Contrails sketch a cloudy commerce 
of lines again across the sky. Then at night, a swing 
thirty degrees colder.  I've never been in the desert,
but I've been told water hasn't forgotten it has
a home even there. Invitation is a word
that seems to be making a comeback—
no dress code, bring or don't bring a dish
or side to share. You know loneliness  
will risk its disheveled gardens, its withered 
limbs, just to hold something tight in its arms.

Subconscious

Up, and called upon by W. Howe, who went, with W. Hewer with me, by water, to the Temple; his business was to have my advice about a place he is going to buy — the Clerk of the Patent’s place, which I understand not, and so could say little to him, but fell to other talk, and setting him in at the Temple, we to White Hall, and there I to visit Lord Sandwich, who is now so reserved, or moped rather, I think, with his own business, that he bids welcome to no man, I think, to his satisfaction. However, I bear with it, being willing to give him as little trouble as I can, and to receive as little from him, wishing only that I had my money in my purse, that I have lent him; but, however, I shew no discontent at all. So to White Hall, where a Committee of Tangier expected, but none met. I met with Mr. Povy, who I discoursed with about publick business, who tells me that this discourse which I told him of, of the Duke of Monmouth being made Prince of Wales, hath nothing in it; though he thinks there are all the endeavours used in the world to overthrow the Duke of York. He would not have me doubt of my safety in the Navy, which I am doubtful of from the reports of a general removal; but he will endeavour to inform me, what he can gather from my Lord Arlington. That he do think that the Duke of Buckingham hath a mind rather to overthrow all the kingdom, and bring in a Commonwealth, wherein he may think to be General of their Army, or to make himself King, which, he believes, he may be led to, by some advice he hath had with conjurors, which he do affect.
Thence with W. Hewer, who goes up and down with me like a jaylour, but yet with great love and to my great good liking, it being my desire above all things to please my wife therein. I took up my wife and boy at Unthank’s, and from there to Hercules Pillars, and there dined, and thence to our upholster’s, about some things more to buy, and so to see our coach, and so to the looking-glass man’s, by the New Exchange, and so to buy a picture for our blue chamber chimney, and so home; and there I made my boy to read to me most of the night, to get through the Life of the Archbishop of Canterbury. At supper comes Mary Batelier, and with us all the evening, prettily talking, and very innocent company she is; and she gone, we with much content to bed, and to sleep, with mighty rest all night.

an underworld
to overthrow

and bring in a commonwealth
of make-believe

conjurer like a jailer
in the looking-glass

for our blue nightlife
at one with sleep

Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Monday 23 November 1668.

Phenomenology of Endurance

- after "The Scented Breeze," Armando Valero

In place of the heart, align a flower
and its seasonal manifestations. Smooth
open its pages thick as clotted cream: 
remnant of summer warmth tucked 
between the bindings. In the absence of
a compass, the birds argue about directions. 
Lines curve through the countryside, 
fading where the horizon is a jagged 
edge in the hills. It's only one 
flower, but its redolence convinces you 
there are others like it in the world.