Things That Go Bump in the Night

  • dog
  • shutters
  • burglar
  • neighbors
  • those darn kids
  • lap dancer
  • zombie
  • bear in kitchen
  • FBI agents
  • falling branch
  • Uncle Fred
  • trolls
  • distant thunder
  • those darn raccoons
  • terrorist
  • pole dancer
  • pizza delivery boy
  • Sarah Palin
  • improbably clumsy ghost
  • wombat
  • stalker
  • homeless man
  • BATF agents
  • flying squirrel
  • meteorite
  • lost stoner
  • Rick Astley
  • your own left foot
  • desperate nymphomaniac
  • hit man
  • those darn mice
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Dave Bonta (bio) crowd-sources his problems by following his gut, which he shares with 100 trillion of his closest microbial friends — a close-knit, symbiotic community comprising several thousand species of bacteria, fungi, and protozoa. In a similarly collaborative fashion, all of Dave’s writing is available for reuse and creative remix under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License. For attribution in printed material, his name (Dave Bonta) will suffice, but for web use, please link back to the original. Contact him for permission to waive the “share alike” provision (e.g. for use in a conventionally copyrighted work).


  1. sleepwalkers
    those darn house guests


  2. Delusional neighbors…

    <Bang Bang> “Keep it down up there!”

    <Zzzz…> “huh?”


  3. Toilet lid/seat
    Fridge door.

    Not necessarily in that order… The perp? My hubby, the Midnight Marauder.


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