Nothing but your happiness

“I wanted nothing but your happiness.” ~ Brenda Shaughnessy,”Magi”

But it is true I wanted to find
some joy for myself too. Why

regard these things as if they
were such a terrible contradiction?

There are those who want diamonds, houses,
sex, men, money, the beauty of the world

with which to garland their bodies. Or travel;
time to read books, widen the berth on which

one might perch through calamitously tilting
years. Space in which to turn into a self

separate from the ones attached to the glittering
need and hunger of others. Once, I was told: reach

and you can reach for others. Become and you can be
their more. I’ve pressed myself as hard as I can

into the mouth of that machine. Can you believe me then
when I say I wanted nothing but your happiness? Still do.

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