Mindset

Sam Pepys and me

Up betimes and to my office, and there sat all the morning making a great contract with Sir W. Warren for 3,000l. worth of masts; but, good God! to see what a man might do, were I a knave, the whole business from beginning to end being done by me out of the office, and signed to by them upon the once reading of it to them, without the least care or consultation either of quality, price, number, or need of them, only in general that it was good to have a store. But I hope my pains was such, as the King has the best bargain of masts has been bought these 27 years in this office.
Dined at home and then to my office again, many people about business with me, and then stepped a little abroad about business to the Wardrobe, but missed Mr. Moore, and elswhere, and in my way met Mr. Moore, who tells me of the good peace that is made at Tangier with the Moores, but to continue but from six months to six months, and that the Mole is laid out, and likely to be done with great ease and successe, we to have a quantity of ground for our cattle about the town to our use.
To my office late, and then home to supper, after writing letters, and to bed.
This day our cook maid (we having no luck in maids now-adays), which was likely to prove a good servant, though none of the best cooks, fell sick and is gone to her friends, having been with us but 4 days.

what numb need of hope
has been a road to war

is a good peace made
with the ground

for cattle at supper
is luck like a cook


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Thursday 10 September 1663.

Declaration of Ownership

river in November light between bare woods and mountain




On the news this week, it was reported
that we claimed ownership of the moon—

its hammered surface rising over beaches,
schools, parking lots, and detention centers;

its cratered Sea of Tranquility where Apollo 11
touched down and the astronauts left bootprints

that are still there because the moon has no weather
to wash them away. Perhaps someone will also try

to claim ownership of the bees and their gold
cells, the rivers and all their tenants folding silver

light beneath the bridges. Could we claim
ownership of the seas’ republics that predate

our own, the fireflies threading messages
in the dark, the sweetness spilled from honey-

suckle throats on the vine, the fields with too
much fruit because now no hands are there

to harvest them? Could we claim the bright
speckle of salt on the shore, the shoebill stork’s

voice mimicking artillery fire? Orchards before
blossom, seeds before they wake. Hunger

that opens its mouth all day without seeing
how taking is not the same as receiving.

Man or beast

Sam Pepys and me

Up by break of day, and then to my vials a while, and so to Sir W. Warren’s by agreement, and after talking and eating something with him, he and I down by water to Woolwich, and there I did several businesses, and had good discourse, and thence walked to Greenwich; in my way a little boy overtook us with a fine cupp turned out of Lignum Vitae, which the poor child confessed was made in the King’s yard by his father, a turner there, and that he do often do it, and that I might have one, and God knows what, which I shall examine. Thence to Sir W. Warren’s again, and there drew up a contract for masts which he is to sell us, and so home to dinner, finding my poor wife busy.
I, after dinner, to the office, and then to White Hall, to Sir G. Carteret’s, but did not speak with him, and so to Westminster Hall, God forgive me, thinking to meet Mrs. Lane, but she was not there, but here I met with Ned Pickering, with whom I walked 3 or 4 hours till evening, he telling me the whole business of my Lord’s folly with this Mrs. Becke, at Chelsey, of all which I am ashamed to see my Lord so grossly play the beast and fool, to the flinging off of all honour, friends, servants, and every thing and person that is good, and only will have his private lust undisturbed with this common whore his sitting up night after night alone, suffering nobody to come to them, and all the day too, casting off Pickering, basely reproaching him with his small estate, which yet is a good one, and other poor courses to obtain privacy beneath his honour, and with his carrying her abroad and playing on his lute under her window, and forty other poor sordid things, which I am grieved to hear; but believe it to no purpose for me to meddle with it, but let him go on till God Almighty and his own conscience and thoughts of his lady and family do it. So after long discourse, to my full satisfaction but great trouble, I home by water and at my office late, and so to supper to my poor wife, and so to bed, being troubled to think that I shall be forced to go to Brampton the next Court, next week.

a little boy turned
into me but not

the beast I disturb
night after night

suffering with his small estate
under my bed


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Wednesday 9 September 1663.

Wayfare

Sam Pepys and me

Up and to my viall a while, and then to my office on Phillips having brought me a draught of the Katherine yacht, prettily well done for the common way of doing it. At the office all the morning making up our last half year’s account to my Lord Treasurer, which comes to 160,000l. or there abouts, the proper expense of this half year, only with an addition of 13,000l. for the third due of the last account to the Treasurer for his disbursements, and 1100l. for this half year’s; so that in three years and a half his thirds come to 14,100l.. Dined at home with my wife. It being washing day, we had a good pie baked of a leg of mutton; and then to my office, and then abroad, and among other places to Moxon’s, and there bought a payre of globes cost me 3l. 10s., with which I am well pleased, I buying them principally for my wife, who has a mind to understand them, and I shall take pleasure to teach her. But here I saw his great window in his dining room, where there is the two Terrestrial Hemispheres, so painted as I never saw in my life, and nobly done and to good purpose, done by his own hand.
Thence home to my office, and there at business late, and then to supper home and to bed, my people sitting up longer than ordinary before they had done their washing.

the common way comes out of
one eye on the road

other places cost me
all my mind to understand

I saw a window
I never saw my life


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Tuesday 8 September 1663.

Midlife Crisis

river in November light between bare woods and mountain
The TV's on in the other room and you hear a talk 
show host ask, Is it possible to have a midlife
crisis at eighty?
There's laughter, so you don't hear
the guest's answer. Folding underwear in the bedroom,
you think, Why not? Surely one can be seized even at
that age by the urge to buy a sports car or motorcycle,
take a lover half their age, quit being the sensible
grandma and go on an open-ended vacation.
It's not that you want your youth back, or feet
still smooth and without bunions. But you want
to put down the things you've been carrying so long
without complaint, to hear someone sing the syllables
of your name instead of the formalities you're known
by—Ma'am, Dr., Ms., Mrs. If by midlife we mean a place
where the crease feels sharpest, a place between
everything we've known and everything that's still
not manifest and therefore a mystery, then there's time
to learn to tango in Argentina, skydive from a plane, not
have to be the one to stay behind while everyone else
boards the tour bus. It's perfectly fine to look through
costume changes backstage, pick out something
bold and outrageous for your next entrance.


Micro Drama

river in November light between bare woods and mountain
"I shall not lament
the human, not yet."
~ Dorianne Laux



Poor little girl with the golden heart who winds
up working for the rich and heartless, in a house
with a staircase wide enough for egos dressed

in silks and suits: they treat her like she's lower
than a maid. Beggar or slut, tramp who's wriggled
her way somehow into their world. Other fledglings

find their way into her care—the senile grandmother,
the child who refuses to speak or eat. In the first
episode she finds a way to gain their trust.

In the next, they're utterly changed, almost
as radiant as their former selves. Then the music
changes, doors bang open, the mistress's hand

lands on her cheek. We keep watching, though we
know it's all perfectly orchestrated: predictable script,
the makeup of both villainess and heroine still perfect

after marathon fighting and weeping. They've got
the tropes and the melodrama. We want to see love
win, see karma find those who wanted to ruin everything

Origin, Best By, Product Of

river in November light between bare woods and mountain

What do the labels with barcodes mean, affixed
to one corner of each plastic-wrapped tray
gleaming in supermarket freezers? From what
barn and what pasture, from what processing
plant and what ship, through what border
have they come for inspection, in order to be
stacked in a hold? Before landing between two
halves of a bun with a slice of tomato and a frilled
lettuce leaf, what variety of cheap trimmings and cuts
did your hamburger patty subsume? Another day,
another recall— as though it were only a matter
of putting down the fork, pulling the steak or
the slab out from under the gravy and back
to the store. Or throwing away the milk, the eggs,
the berries and avocados, wondering what we’ll
have to live on besides water and air, as clouds
shaped like cows drift through a gingham blue sky.







Invested

Sam Pepys and me

Up pretty betimes, and awhile to my vyall, and then abroad to several places, to buy things for the furnishing my house and my wife’s closet, and then met my uncle Thomas, by appointment, and he and I to the Prerogative Office in Paternoster Row, and there searched and found my uncle Day’s will, end read it over and advised upon it, and his wife’s after him, and though my aunt Perkins testimony is very good, yet I fear the estate being great, and the rest that are able to inform us in the matter are all possessed of more or less of the estate, it will be hard for us ever to do anything, nor will I adventure anything till I see what part will be given to us by my uncle Thomas of all that is gained. But I had another end of putting my uncle into some doubt, that so I might keep him: yet from going into the country that he may be there against the Court at his own charge, and so I left him and his son at a loss what to do till I see them again. And so I to my Lord Crew’s, thinking to have dined there, but it was too late, and so back and called at my brother’s and Mr. Holden’s about several businesses, and went all alone to the Black Spread Eagle in Bride Lane, and there had a chopp of veale and some bread, cheese, and beer, cost me a shilling to my dinner, and so through Fleet Ally, God forgive me, out of an itch to look upon the sluts there, against which when I saw them my stomach turned, and so to Bartholomew Fayre, where I met with Mr. Pickering, and he and I to see the monkeys at the Dutch house, which is far beyond the other that my wife and I saw the other day; and thence to see the dancing on the ropes, which was very poor and tedious.
But he and I fell in discourse about my Lord Sandwich. He tells me how he is sorry for my Lord at his being at Chelsey, and that his but seeming so to my Lord without speaking one word, had put him clear out of my Lord’s favour, so as that he was fain to leave him before he went into the country, for that he was put to eat with his servants; but I could not fish from him, though I knew it, what was the matter; but am very sorry to see that my Lord hath thus much forgot his honour, but am resolved not to meddle with it.
The play being done, I stole from him and hied home, buying several things at the ironmonger’s — dogs, tongs, and shovels — for my wife’s closett and the rest of my house, and so home, and thence to my office awhile, and so home to supper and to bed. By my letters from Tangier today I hear that it grows very strong by land, and the Mole goes on. They have lately killed two hundred of the Moores, and lost about forty or fifty. I am mightily afeard of laying out too much money in goods upon my house, but it is not money flung away, though I reckon nothing money but when it is in the bank, till I have a good sum beforehand in the world.

possessed by an eagle
far beyond the sand

the fish is strong
and goes on

money is no lung
I bank in the world


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Monday 7 September 1663.

One Life

river in November light between bare woods and mountain
"The price of kissing is your life." ~ Rumi


You wonder how many times you're allowed
to pay, knowing you have only one life.

Cooler air after weeks of sweltering. Ants swarm the front
steps, a line of them as ephemeral as your one life.

Who owns the line of clouds scudding across the horizon,
every anecdotal instant making up your one life?

Crews work overtime during the holiday weekend. How
to fix a sinkhole that opens up in the middle of your one life?

Your friend recounted her summer job in college, processing
fish in a plant as though that were the purpose of her one life.

Fires and flood, volcanoes waking beneath oceans.
In their aftermath, what becomes of your one life?

Doves call from church towers. Though the world is
ending, you are allowed to wed in your one life.

Sublimation

Sam Pepys and me

(Lord’s day). My pill I took last night worked very well, and I lay long in bed and sweat to get away the itching all about my body from head to foot, which is beginning again as it did the last winter, and I find after I am up that it is abated. I staid at home all day and my wife also, whom, God forgive me, I staid along with me for fear of her seeing of Pembleton. But she and I entertained one another all day long with great pleasure, contriving about my wife’s closet and the bedchamber, whither we intend to go up she and I to-day.
We dined alone and supped also at night, my brother John with us, and so to prayers and to bed.

I work and sweat to get
away the itch

I am who I fear
in my closet at night


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Sunday 6 September 1663.