"...Walk into / the center of everything."
~ January Gill O'Neil
Altogether, I have been married forty years—
fifteen in a union that broke, bit by bit until
the inevitable, even without a formal name to it. I left
that skin behind. Never thought I would do it again,
but here I am. Twenty-five this year, with a man who fit
his fortunes to mine. We live in a green house fronted
by a pair of Japanese maples, with a bright orange love
seat in a room wall-papered with books and the hearts
of plants spilling generously out of themselves. Laundry
unsorted, coffee and noodles in the pantry, the entry
adorned with favorite coats. We remember the thrift
store find of a coffeetable, what we wore when we
stood on the boardwalk that burnished day. Cake
slicer in the drawer, file folders of the bankrupt years.
Keepsakes we can't bear to throw away. Everywhere,
evidence of undimmed desire for life in this world.
Changeling
This my birthday, 28 years.
This morning Sir W. Batten, Pen, and I did some business, and then I by water to Whitehall, having met Mr. Hartlibb by the way at Alderman Backwell’s. So he did give me a glass of Rhenish wine at the Steeleyard, and so to Whitehall by water. He continues of the same bold impertinent humour that he was always of and will ever be. He told me how my Lord Chancellor had lately got the Duke of York and Duchess, and her woman, my Lord Ossory’s and a Doctor, to make oath before most of the judges of the kingdom, concerning all the circumstances of their marriage. And in fine, it is confessed that they were not fully married till about a month or two before she was brought to bed; but that they were contracted long before, and time enough for the child to be legitimate. But I do not hear that it was put to the judges to determine whether it was so or no.
To my Lord and there spoke to him about his opinion of the Light, the sea-mark that Captain Murford is about, and do offer me an eighth part to concern myself with it, and my Lord do give me some encouragement in it, and I shall go on. I dined herewith Mr. Shepley and Howe. After dinner to Whitehall Chappell with Mr. Child, and there did hear Captain Cooke and his boy make a trial of an Anthem against tomorrow, which was brave musique.
Then by water to Whitefriars to the Play-house, and there saw “The Changeling,” the first time it hath been acted these twenty years, and it takes exceedingly. Besides, I see the gallants do begin to be tyred with the vanity and pride of the theatre actors who are indeed grown very proud and rich.
Then by link home, and there to my book awhile and to bed.
I met to-day with Mr. Townsend, who tells me that the old man is yet alive in whose place in the Wardrobe he hopes to get my father, which I do resolve to put for.
I also met with the Comptroller, who told me how it was easy for us all, the principal officers, and proper for us, to labour to get into the next Parliament; and would have me to ask the Duke’s letter, but I shall not endeavour it because it will spend much money, though I am sure I could well obtain it. This is now 28 years that I am born. And blessed be God, in a state of full content, and great hopes to be a happy man in all respects, both to myself and friends.
my birthday is water
into a waterway
enough for the child
of light the changeling
grown in my place
I am sure I could
be happy
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Saturday 23 February 1660/61.
Rest
As a child, sometimes I'd lay my cheek
on the desk and press my ear to the wood's
coolness. I'd pretend the clicking and scraping
I heard (echoes from other movements
around me) were proof of life beneath the surface
—an army of ants or microscopic beetles
carving roads, lifting stone out of hidden quarries,
building settlements. Because if you listen
hard even now, there are residues of sound
fallng inside the architecture of every
stillness. And there are also long, rich pauses
akin to the quiet of sleep, which is what
others thought my bent head meant—a child
always caught in the throes of dream.
Mill Town

the morning’s only cloud
rises from the paper mill
beside the bypass
with its thump-thump of tires
going elsewhere at seventy
miles per hour
as death comes
to a white-footed mouse
struggling in a trap
spring dulled by rust
the wide-screen tv
still in sleep mode
below the old skull mount
twelve antler points scored
by rodent teeth
a hat-rack now
zebra stripes of road salt
out on his black truck
and a cracked rib that aches
when they hug
only to pull apart
gazing up wordless
as silver syllables tumble down
from tundra swans
it was just then
she’ll tell you years later
craning my neck I felt
your first kick

Gossiped
All the morning at the office. At noon with my wife and Pall to my father’s to dinner, where Dr. Thos. Pepys and my coz Snow and Joyce Norton. After dinner came The. Turner, and so I home with her to her mother, good woman, whom I had not seen through my great neglect this half year, but she would not be angry with me. Here I staid all the afternoon talking of the King’s being married, which is now the town talk, but I believe false.
In the evening Mrs. The. and Joyce took us all into the coach home, calling in Bishopsgate Street, thinking to have seen a new Harpsicon that she had a making there, but it was not done, and so we did not see it. Then to my home, where I made very much of her, and then she went home. Then my wife to Sir W. Batten’s, and there sat a while; he having yesterday sent my wife half-a-dozen pairs of gloves, and a pair of silk stockings and garters, for her Valentine’s gift.
Then home and to bed.
snow in my ear
not the town talk
false harps making
so much of yesterday
my half-dozen loves
an air of silk
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Friday 22 February 1660/61.
Reconstruction
To Westminster by coach with Sir W. Pen, and in our way saw the city begin to build scaffolds against the Coronacion. To my Lord, and there found him out of doors. So to the Hall and called for some caps that I have a making there, and here met with Mr. Hawley, and with him to Will’s and drank, and then by coach with Mr. Langley our old friend into the city. I set him down by the way, and I home and there staid all day within, having found Mr. Moore, who staid with me till late at night talking and reading some good books. Then he went away, and I to bed.
a way to build scaffolds
out of doors
for all
who go away
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Thursday 21 February 1660/61.
Relevance
There are times you wonder if the things
you say in the classroom make the kind
of sense you want to make— if you spoke
clearly, without stumbling, of ideas
that filled you with such excitement when you
first read or learned them— You know
how hard it is to let someone in, how hard
to come close to another's experience; know
how most times it's skirt and dodge, no eye contact,
fine thank you. What use is language then?
At home, you stand at the sink and lick the batter
off the spatula to taste the sugars before they
were cooked, to see if you can find a trail of salt,
some indissoluble essence at the heart of things.
Supremacy Ritual
nine knuckles are gathering
in a room appointed for sleep
theirs are the only shadows
not checked at the door
nine claws are judging
the entrails of a suit
flies have been eliminated
but still there’s a hum
nine knives are carving
a number into a bare back
even under the eyelids
it’s white as a cloud
Inking problem
All the morning at the office, dined at home and my brother Tom with me, who brought me a pair of fine slippers which he gave me. By and by comes little Luellin and friend to see me, and then my coz Stradwick, who was never here before. With them I drank a bottle of wine or two, and to the office again, and there staid about business late, and then all of us to Sir W. Pen’s, where we had, and my Lady Batten, Mrs. Martha, and my wife, and other company, a good supper, and sat playing at cards and talking till 12 at night, and so all to our lodgings.
at the office
my little bottle
of a pen and I
dot all
our i’s
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Wednesday 20 February 1660/61.
Dramatic Theory
We do not know how this narrative will end, or if there will be resolution. The characters have remained the same, though sometimes you think they've shifted. There is quickening and instinct, reasonable development; and there is foolish meandering. There is furtiveness and lingering in the woods or in dark, forbidden places. There are hands raised mid-swing to the tune of foot- stomping; hands raised in protest, or claw-like and scrabbling. Someone is exiled or banished, and someone is always trying to return. Someone's heart is always breaking, or always on the verge.

