Six very brief essays

Back to the Basics

A local bottled-water company describes its product as “mouth-watering.”

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Why Similes are the Most Common Poetic Device in Contemporary American Poetry

Well, like, Americans prefer similitude. Y’know?

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Context is Everything

The sign said, “Cut your own.”

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Going Native

As kids, whenever we were really bad, our parents would threaten to give us back to the Indians.

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Haploidal

In my past life, I was in two places at once.

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Remember This

A politician in hot water never says “I can’t remember,” because that might make him seem forgetful and incompetent. He says, “I don’t recall.”

8 Comments


  1. “In my past life, I was in two places at once”

    Yes, but those places were very close together, in the same cell. Two life’s back, then ” you” were much more in two places at once, two seperate haploid cells within two seperate diploid bodies.

    Do you feel particularly haploidal? I do. Though I know I am one, what I’d give to really feel diploidal.

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  2. A local bottled-water company describes its product as “mouth-watering.�

    Hey, at least that’s to the point! I recently found a small empty bottle, labled as an “Aquapod”, covered in slogans promising things like “fun shape!”. I had to examine the label carefully to discover that it was a bottle for Poland Springs water.

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  3. Thanks, all.

    O.K., Bill, in a past life, then. I was of course thinking about when I was still at the “twinkle in your parents’ eye” stage.

    David – Bottled water marketing is truly bizarre, isn’t it? I found the same kind of promos you describe when I was browsing the Deer Park website for a post here a year ago. I guess what I object to most of all is the pollution and energy use associated with all that plastic. If people must drink bottled water, they should get those home water dispensing units with refillable jugs.

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  4. Dave, I think you are quite right. I wasn’t thinking. Just having made an accquaintance with reproductive biology on Saturday, I was a bit hot on the topic, and had to post some response if only as a spur to myself to keep thinking things through. Meiosis rules!

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  5. Just having made an accquaintance with reproductive biology on Saturday
    Whoa buddy. Well, better late than never, I guess! I didn’t lose my virginity until the age of 20.

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  6. But I’m making fast headway!

    I had actually thought life began with birth and ended with death! I even thought I was real, but nope–turns out DNA is just using me as a figure of speech. And that old crusty saying, from “dust to dust”? How sod-brained is that—as I warble on, from haploid to haploid.

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