Resolutions (take as many as you need)

Be it hereby resolved that:

  • the minutes are approved as amended
  • a thorough investigation will be launched into allegations of wrongdoing
  • Monday morning quarterbacks should be put into the game, starting Monday
  • my pa can whip your pa
  • the shortest distance between two points remains open to lines of any sexual orientation
  • I won’t come a-knockin’ if the trailer’s rockin’
  • a picture shall now be worth 3,759 words
  • the wicked will do wickedly (see Dan. 12:10)
  • “love” is not a four-letter word
  • wimpy, two-fingered air quotes shall be replaced by the secret devil sign
  • we should each create a space in our hectic, daily lives for more sustained exposure to commercial messages and self-destructive impulses
  • at ______, we build solutions
  • life will be made better
  • I will get down with my bad self
  • we will purge our closets of “Free Judith Miller” t-shirts, ballcaps and buttons
  • one good turn deserves another, unless otherwise indicated
  • I will henceforth seek truth from facts, and achieve the Four Modernizations
  • new leaves will be turned over at random and examined for illegal drugs or weapons
  • mistakes will be made
  • I will remain in beta
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Dave Bonta (bio) crowd-sources his problems by following his gut, which he shares with 100 trillion of his closest microbial friends — a close-knit, symbiotic community comprising several thousand species of bacteria, fungi, and protozoa. In a similarly collaborative fashion, all of Dave’s writing is available for reuse and creative remix under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License. For attribution in printed material, his name (Dave Bonta) will suffice, but for web use, please link back to the original. Contact him for permission to waive the “share alike” provision (e.g. for use in a conventionally copyrighted work).

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