Incubate an egg with the heat of your palms. Brood.
Nurse your sorrows with the sour milk of jealousy, or failing that, Nestle’s infant formula.
Dissect a seed.
Relive a pleasant memory by reenacting it in excruciating detail.
Do math problems in your head—for example, prove Goldbach’s Conjecture.
Collect rain in jars, tightly sealed and organized by month and day.
Get ready! Sharpen all your knives.
Grind them until they’re thin as piano wires.
Hug yourself tightly and rock back and forth on your haunches.
If you must watch the clock, unplug it first.
If you must play solitaire, dispense with the cards.
Light cigarettes and watch from a safe distance as they turn into columns of ash.
Pace, but let your fingers do the walking.
Novels are best read backwards, one page at a time.
Stop kidding yourself about what comes next.
Go about your business.
Coil into a spring so your mind won’t have anywhere to wander.
Dave Bonta (bio) crowd-sources his problems by following his gut, which he shares with 100 trillion of his closest microbial friends — a close-knit, symbiotic community comprising several thousand species of bacteria, fungi, and protozoa. In a similarly collaborative fashion, all of Dave’s writing is available for reuse and creative remix under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License. For attribution in printed material, his name (Dave Bonta) will suffice, but for web use, please link back to the original. Contact him for permission to waive the “share alike” provision (e.g. for use in a conventionally copyrighted work).