Tremor

A noise in the courtyard wakes me: dull
blow against brick, perhaps a dented car fender
clattering to the pavement? In the dark I bolt up,
disoriented: pulse racing, heart lurching

ever ahead of thought. Don’t chastise me for how this
far along in middle life, I haven’t mastered composure.
Guilt, grief, remorse, whatever name you’ll give this
high-pitched tension humming underneath the skin:

in the moment that nerve is plucked, the needle
jumps to a higher frequency. Is each child safe?
Knowing nothing of the future, I tremble,
love dissolving in the mouth like so much rain.

Maybe I don’t need to come every day for 17 months to stand
near the prison gates, like the poet did for her son—
or give my hair or clothes or voice for ransom to some god
pronouncing sentence, punishing one simple pleasure after another.

Quarreling with guards, the magistrate, the lawyers, I’ll
reproach what I can, whom I can, petition, represent—
Such depths have been scoured before by others. I don’t believe
there is only shame in wearing one’s troubles like a crest

upon a shield. I’ve read of loveliness that increases,
very like a promise: that it will never pass into nothingness,
will burn like the flower birthed of fire it was meant to be:
exist as that child you want to see grow to maturity, see

yearning brought to richest ripening— No other
zenith but what blesses breath and breathes.

 

In response to Via Negativa: Waterbound.

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Poet Luisa A. Igloria (Poetry Foundation web page, author webpage ) is the winner of the 2015 Resurgence Prize (UK), the world’s first major award for ecopoetry, selected by former UK poet laureate Sir Andrew Motion, Alice Oswald, and Jo Shapcott. She is the author of What Is Left of Wings, I Ask (forthcoming, 2018 Center for the Book Arts Letterpress Chapbook Prize, selected by Natasha Trethewey); Bright as Mirrors Left in the Grass (Kudzu House Press eChapbook selection for Spring 2015), Ode to the Heart Smaller than a Pencil Eraser (Utah State University Press, 2014 May Swenson Prize), Night Willow (Phoenicia Publishing, 2014), The Saints of Streets (University of Santo Tomas Publishing House, 2013), Juan Luna’s Revolver (2009 Ernest Sandeen Prize, University of Notre Dame Press), and nine other books. She is a member of the core faculty of the MFA Creative Writing Program at Old Dominion University which she directed from 2009-2015. In 2018, she was the inaugural Glasgow Distinguished Writer in Residence at Washington and Lee University. When she isn’t writing, reading, or teaching, she cooks with her family, hand-binds books, and listens to tango music.

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