Letter to doubt

There are days that are difficult
to love, days I don’t think I love
you or any of the things
I thought I used to love,
anymore.

Sometimes, we love only
our solitude. Other times
we despise it
because it will
not leave us.

I think I have felt
the tremor of joy;
I am certain I know
the incomprehensible
helplessness of peering

into the interior.
We waver in the blur
between doubt of self
and doubt of the other,
and conclude

the only certainty
is what we will ourselves
to decide. Who has not
ever felt the desire
to run away from oneself?

But time is as constant
as it is fickle. Truth,
one of many stones
that pave the inky
riverbed.

When I rinse my hands,
I see my face. When I touch
the surface, it clouds over
with the terrible urgency
of my need.

Does it matter we don’t know
in what terms to address
the future? Each thing
we do every day, we do
from wanting to come home.

Poet Luisa A. Igloria (Poetry Foundation web page, author webpage ) is the winner of the 2015 Resurgence Prize (UK), the world’s first major award for ecopoetry, selected by former UK poet laureate Sir Andrew Motion, Alice Oswald, and Jo Shapcott. She is the author of What is Left of Wings, I Ask (2018 Center for the Book Arts Letterpress Chapbook Prize, selected by Natasha Trethewey); Bright as Mirrors Left in the Grass (Kudzu House Press eChapbook selection for Spring 2015), Ode to the Heart Smaller than a Pencil Eraser (Utah State University Press, 2014 May Swenson Prize), Night Willow (Phoenicia Publishing, 2014), The Saints of Streets (University of Santo Tomas Publishing House, 2013), Juan Luna’s Revolver (2009 Ernest Sandeen Prize, University of Notre Dame Press), and nine other books. She is a member of the core faculty of the MFA Creative Writing Program at Old Dominion University which she directed from 2009-2015. In 2018, she was the inaugural Glasgow Distinguished Writer in Residence at Washington and Lee University. When she isn’t writing, reading, or teaching, she cooks with her family, knits, hand-binds books, and listens to tango music.

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