Reasons for the Season

Tyrone angel

1. The earth is tilted on its axis by 23.5 degrees

2. Other seasons all quit

3. Generals in the Salvation Army threatened a coup

4. The eager, shining faces of small children opening presents help us forget the emptiness of consumerism and greed

5. Halls needed to be decked

6. “Christmas” sounded better than “National Overweight Bearded Guy Awareness Week”

7. If we don’t cover our houses with lights, inflatable snowmen and giant plastic reindeer, the sun may never return from the underworld

8. Magi hadn’t heard the one about the camel and the eye of a needle yet

9. God had promised to bless the seed of David, whence Joseph, but, uh… never mind

10. Seven days between December 26 and January 1. Seven Basic Principles (Nguzo Saba) of African culture. Coincidence? I think not

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Dave Bonta (bio) crowd-sources his problems by following his gut, which he shares with 100 trillion of his closest microbial friends — a close-knit, symbiotic community comprising several thousand species of bacteria, fungi, and protozoa. In a similarly collaborative fashion, all of Dave’s writing is available for reuse and creative remix under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License. For attribution in printed material, his name (Dave Bonta) will suffice, but for web use, please link back to the original. Contact him for permission to waive the “share alike” provision (e.g. for use in a conventionally copyrighted work).

10 Comments


  1. Goodness, you’re chanelling Dave Letterman pretty precisely here. You won’t be able to convince anyone that you don’t watch TV.

    Chuckle-making stuff, though. I love the coupists.

    For my part, I persist in the belief that only those people who say, “Let’s not forget the true meaning of Christmas” have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. Get off your high horses, people, get out there and support the economy.

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  2. It won’t always be like this I guess, so I am savoring the look on my child’s face as she plans, makes, and delivers presents this year. It’s heady stuff. I want to drink it in my every pore. I wish I could bottle it.

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  3. Teju – I am familiar with, but had forgotten, Letterman’s top ten lists. I wasn’t actually going for ten. Besides, the list isn’t in descending order.

    The true meaning of Christmas as it used to be practiced in the olde days that everyone fetishes is preserved only in the custom of giving Christmas bonuses and drinking eggnog.

    mb – It is indeed wonderful when children learn the joy of giving and especially MAKING things for others. Yes, do treasure it!

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  4. It’s all about surviving when it’s so damn dark out there.

    Don’t know why anyone south of Duluth celebrates it.

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  5. But Dave, what if the sun just keeps sinking lower and never comes back. If you do not put up your decorations and deck your halls with greenery, and this happens, it’s on YOUR HEAD. :-)

    Happy Noel!!!

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  6. Yes, it’s cold and it’s dark and we NEED Spring. Let’s make merry with light and presents and special food. Let’s get together and distract ourselves from the realities of Winter and don’t forget to appease the Gods who make it all possible…just in case they’re watching.

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  7. Thanks for the comments. My mom and I were speaking to an Amish woman today who told us she was hoping for a long, long winter – “I haven’t even started on my sewing yet!” Subtext: winter is the only time they get to kick back and relax.

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  8. Rich! I especially like no. 5. Halls do need to be decked. And some of your commenters with their bah-humbugging sound like they could stand to be donned with some gay apparel.

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  9. Well, I could probably stand for a drab-to-fab makeover myself, but let’s not go there, as the kids say.

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  10. Cute, Dave! We’re blessed with little granddhildren to make the season magical again. By keeping it as simple and non-consumerist as we can, we hope to make it like it was when we were children. I remember all the aunts knit socks and mitts for the kids, and we got books. “Heidi” was my favourite one Christmas.

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