Confessions of an Invisible Penis

I’m here for you, baby — right
out of reach. I throb in sync
with the cycles of the moon.
When you wake in the night & hear
a faint dripping, that’s me,
marking territory in the linen closet.

Oh what a friend you have
in Penis: a faithful familiar,
easy to love despite my wet nose
& my habit of poking it in every
secret thing. Walk with me.
Can you feel it growing taut,
my invisible leash?

I am the jewel in your lotus,
the genie in your bottle,
waiting for just the right rub.
Still your heart, empty your mind
& I’ll come, granting all
your clearly superfluous wishes.

22 Replies to “Confessions of an Invisible Penis”

  1. Dave, listen: Your parents read your blog. I am just saying.

    And: Why didn’t you tag this as part of your penis poem series? Is it because this poem is about an *invisible* penis?

    And: Please make your next poem about a divisible penis, k?

  2. Dana, listen: all bloggers should be so fortunate as to have regular readers as astute (and liberal) as my parents. I’m sure they aren’t going to make the mistake of assuming the narrator here is the poet, for example.

    O.K., I will tag this and the previous post of penis poems. Anything for a reader… and for page views, I suppose. You’d be surprised how many people wander in from The Google looking for penis poetry. Two or three a day, I think.

    dale – Smileys are better than virtual stones as far as I’m concerned. All I ever really wanted to do with this blog was make people smile.

  3. I do like the YARPP plugin responsible for generating “Similar Posts.” Clicking on “Via positiva: Hindu Version,” I find some lines from a Telugu poem that help clarify my theological position here (and yes, I do have one):

    O God of Kalahasti,
    how could I ever find you
    if all I wanted of you
    were my wishes?

  4. Ah, I may have finally found both a subject and a poem my son who ‘hates poetry’ can relate to. I might, however, have trouble e-mailing it to him through my born-again spam filter. Brilliant, Dave. ( but, please don’t tell anyone I said that. I’m still trying to live-down my poopy poem.) :)

  5. I like this. For two reasons:
    It gave me an idea on how to attract more traffic to my own blog.
    It is so funny: genie in your bottle, with just the right rub etc. etc.

  6. Well, you succeeded! I’ll never imagine your closet quite the same way, Dave. And the what a friend you have in Penis/wet nose bit was, well, inspired. “Confessions of an Inspired Penis.” Or something like that.

  7. Wow, what a website…Im not sure ….but do you respond to each comment, Bev???
    If you do please send me and email,
    I am 11 years old, and i love nature so much.

    I would like to start my own website oneday…that will promote conservation of animals and plants.

    i would like to know what program you use to make this wonderfull website…or do you have to pay someone…i dont have alot of money..
    .but i want to spread the word and tell my friends to go to my website to check out the latest photos i take when im in hiking.

    the flip stone stone idea is fantastic…i will take part.( im not sure how though???)

    Im from South Africa, I live in a small town, Umkomaas(one of top ten dive sites in the world),.
    It has a nature reserve, and a river, a dam, and a coastline(my favourite, actually they all my favourite..hahaha),

    Oh , how i wish i could have website like this…

    I could go on my adventures, take photos,(im sure i can convince my dad to buy me a digitall camera) of the wierd and wonderfull creatures, trees, and funny looking mushrooms, and then upload them to my website, for my friends and family to see…and other people too…

    I am member of THE GREEN WAVE organisation, which is helping the united nations plant trees all around the world. go check it out at .

    My dad is a GREENPEACE volunteer, and we go on may trips( sometimes it’s a bit tough out there in the wild) but my mom and love it out and so do i. The last camping trip we where stuck in a tent for 3 days in very heavy rain… dad slept outside the first night , as he always does….but when the rain came he krept into the tent( two man tent) with me and my mom. thats was hectic.

    They always tell me ” Son, do your share for this wonderfull planet”…

    I sometimes think he is a bit crazy putting me (and mom)through all this…but i love him and my love for animals grows with each trip…

    Anyway, i am looking forward to a reply from you

    Have a good day

    Adam Shaik

  8. Joan – Good luck with your son. People who don’t like poetry baffle me — as I them, I’m sure.

    Annamari – Glad you liked the poem. As for attracting traffic, though, unless you’re trying to make money from ads, you have to ask yourself what kind of traffic you want!

    beth – I don’t have a linen closet, actually. But I’m glad the poem worked for you.

    Rob – I was thinking more of people who are biologically female but transgendered or otherwise ambiguous in their gender. But yeah, it’s an interesting situation either way.

    Adam Shaik – Hi. I’m Dave, not Bev – Bev’s site is here. We are both using self-hosted WordPress set-ups, which are a little complex to get off the ground, but there are a number of tools which will let you have a nature/conservation site for free and without too steep a learning curve. Check out Blogger, Weebly, Tumblr, and, for starters. If you can get a digital camera, you can use free, web-based software such as Photoshop Express or Gimp to resize and maximize your photos for the web, and there are a large number of places where you can put photos online for free in addition to the sites I’ve already mentioned: Flickr is the best and biggest photo-sharing site on the planet, which is why we use it for International Rock-Flipping Day.

    Even without a camera and a blog or website of your own, you can still participate in rock-flipping day. Write about what you see, and email the results to me using the Contact form on this site and I’ll be happy to post it for you here. If you have access to a digital scanner, you could make sketches and send us those, too. Good luck, and have fun!

  9. Hi Dave , sorry about the name….
    Im new to all of this…i thought i was still on bev website…
    Anyway thanks for responding….I was and still am so exited that someone actually responded to me…and from all across the world ….

    All that info was very helpfull…thanks a million

    So long my friend….

    To a greener planet and Obama as president!

    Adam Shaik

  10. Adam – Right on! And it is very cool the way the internet in general, and blogs in particular, build friendships that span continents and oceans. I’ve been doing this for five years and I’m still pretty excited about that.

  11. I second Deb’s opinion that you are a good guy. The info given to the boy is respectful and informative. As for my number two son, I am gradually wearing down his aversion to rhymed verse as long as I keep mine pithy and somewhat sarcastic. He had been pre maimed by Hallmark Cards. :)

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