Abusing the Ladder

“Do not misuse or abuse a ladder.”
safety instructions on the side of a 28-foot extension ladder

The ladder makes a perilous bridge, but it’s better than nothing. The ditch by the pasture only runs when there’s a flood, & then it’s a torrent. So I ran for the ladder, laid boards down & drove the goats across it in single file. It only bowed a little.

Another time we hung it in the well all summer — a handy rack for the hams, to keep them cool. Whenever we needed one, I’d climb down the ladder with a rope around my waist, groping around between my legs for the sweating bag of meat. Somehow, pigs belong under the earth. It’s where they’re trying to go all their lives, pushing their snouts into the soil like soft bulldozers.

When we were making bricks & needed a mold, once again — you guessed it — we used the ladder. Mud, straw and sun, a simple recipe. True, we got fined for building without a permit, & we had to take the tower down. But it sure made people talk!

Now for the barn dance, they’re giving the ladder pride of place in the hayloft, in front of the amps. Some kid with a drumstick is banging on the rungs, eking out a tune from all the variations of abuse.

Outside, the fiddler draws his bow against the barbed wire fence, like the louder little brother of the wind: an eerie sound, as unapproachable as the horizon. It makes me want to climb on out of here.
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Thanks to Blue Abstractions for the oddmusic gallery.

For a righteous rant on warning signs and safety labels, see here.

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Dave Bonta (bio) crowd-sources his problems by following his gut, which he shares with 100 trillion of his closest microbial friends — a close-knit, symbiotic community comprising several thousand species of bacteria, fungi, and protozoa. In a similarly collaborative fashion, all of Dave's writing is available for reuse and creative remix under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License. For attribution in printed material, his name (Dave Bonta) will suffice, but for web use, please link back to the original. Contact him for permission to waive the "share alike" provision (e.g. for use in a conventionally copyrighted work).

5 Comments


  1. thanks for all of these links to stuff I’d never find on my own.

    Reply

  2. My attention was riveted by the incongruous ads appearing at the bottom of the fiddler link — “A New Fence Option” — making me wonder what the world would be like if all fences sang like the louder little brother of the wind… and —”Need Deer Fencing Fast” — what secret fantasies of swashbuckling ungulates might keep to themselves…

    Reply

  3. Thanks for the comments.

    mb – Yeah, sometimes Google ads can be a lot of fun. As for deer with swords, though, don’t laugh. They got ’em – on their heads! And fence they do. Nor do they restrict their attacks to other bucks: the news is full of stories about fatal or near-fatal attacks on human beings.

    Reply

  4. You’re right! And I suppose it could be said they dress in velvet, too! Ooh-la!

    Reply

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