Of course it’s well written, not an excessive word anywhere, enough imagery to make it nearly believable while remaining surreal, one of the best pieces of writing I’ve read of yours, quite marvelous. It does, however, seem quite a traditional depiction of a man and his muse through a story of a sailor and sirenesque mermaids.
There are some difficult areas:
There is a problematic discussion of eugenics at the heart of it.
For the male towards the female, what constitutes beauty, allurement. This seems quite traditional, actually. The mermaid(s) being objects in his gaze rather than subjects in their own right.
Underlying that ‘male gaze/empty but entrapping women’ sort of “take” is a question about how the erotic impulse can be trained to see something genetically created, manipulated as not just highly desirable but of the stuff of obsession.
All that said, I do like the echoes of Greek myth very much and the story of the sirens is powerful. I once wrote a mermaid story too, but from the opposite point of view.
Am I up for a discussion on all this? Perhaps…