I agree with Paul. And you’re not 19; it’s not going to knock you over. Even when we get praise, the shine does not last long!
You sure it’s hate? Sometimes it’s not dislike but jealousy–as though the world might not be big enough to hold us all, and our little scratchings on the cave.
But I also question the process. Having now met you in person, I would say that you are frank about everything, including what you feel to be your own negative characteristics. It seems you would have your feet firmly on the earth and not be likely to be shaken.
And yet the desired effect would be, indeed, to be shaken. And that might not be good for you… It might be (as you hope) utterly different from what you expect, and it might tear at you in some way. I’m against it!