During horse-play or rough-housing, keep your head in its case to avoid injury.
It’s not play if there isn’t some risk of dismemberment.
Climb to the top of a top for a 360-degree view of the room.
Don’t let the other players know the rules, or even that it’s a game.
Meet the gaze of random strangers and whisper You’re it.
Hide without seeking. Stay hidden.
Change your mask every few years to avoid detection.
When exploring a forest, arm yourselves with silence and trashcan lids.
Monsters are terrified of chalk. They can be bribed with erasers to do anything you want.
When falling from a great height, flap your arms wildly—you never know.
Hand-puppets should never be given real mouths. They will want real anuses next.
Only an adult can legally consent to be a toy.
Blocks may be made out of anything that’s shaped like a block.
A toy with a power button is a tool in disguise.
The point of a ball is that it has no point—however it happens to land, it’s always at rest.
Cut it open and breathe its peaceful air.
Laughter is the body’s rebellion against the mind.
What’s the point of winning if you can’t suspend all the rules?
Get everyone to run in place and you can make the earth spin faster.
When you collapse, make sure to collapse in a heap.
Dave Bonta (bio) crowd-sources his problems by following his gut, which he shares with 100 trillion of his closest microbial friends — a close-knit, symbiotic community comprising several thousand species of bacteria, fungi, and protozoa. In a similarly collaborative fashion, all of Dave’s writing is available for reuse and creative remix under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License. For attribution in printed material, his name (Dave Bonta) will suffice, but for web use, please link back to the original. Contact him for permission to waive the “share alike” provision (e.g. for use in a conventionally copyrighted work).